he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
