conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
