Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
