Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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