this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
