Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
