Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
