sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
