Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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