He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
