so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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