dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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