so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
