I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
