Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm going to jail i love you
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
