I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
