when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
