if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
