Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you win again, gameday.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
