You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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