That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
