Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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