i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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