I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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