did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
