Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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