she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
