Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
