um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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