You made me cry and you don't even care
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
