youre lurking in front of me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
