we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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