yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
They have beer where we have blood.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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