Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it glows. i had to have it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I need to calm my uterus...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
