FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
