i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My bed smells like the plague
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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