I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
