Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
