Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How does one acquire holy water?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
