Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
