May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
