haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
