life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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