he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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