Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
