Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
