sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
