watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
