I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
