She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
