so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
