I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
