ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i wish my penis had a tongue
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
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