Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
