If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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