we have officially lost it.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
