I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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