Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
