I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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