Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Welp...herpes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
