Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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