if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
