I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
